Mates chatting

I just drove to the LCBO. Andrew and his friend are waiting in the car with me. 

Andrew: I hate this store. So boring. It's where you get beer

Friend: what's beer?

Andrew: what my parents drink. I tried it. It's disgusting

Friend: I've had soup before. 

Green toes

There was a mom at gymnastics today that shared how she took her son to get a pedicure. He it green painted toes and one toe was candy came striped. The boy said he was nervous he'd get made fun of but the mom hushed those fears and said no one would make fun of him. So he obviously wasn't ready for me to say, hey green toes! Did you wish for a glass slipper this Christmas? I didn't say that but I felt like I should do the kid a favour and tell him the world won't react as favourably as his liberal mommy. Or maybe they will, I don't know. I guess we are leaning towards blurred lines in all areas of categorization and classification. So that was weird. 

There's a back story to this mom too. I know her because she was friends with my sister but it became awkward between them. She loaned my sister some books an wanted them back. When my sister returned them, her husband answered the door. My sister asked if the friend was home and while asking, the friend bolted it up the stairs in an attempted to hide. She doesn't share the twinkle toe affinity with her son, so as she was running up the stairs, she tripped and then just laid still. Her husband sheepishly/awkwardly said, "I guess she's not home" 

So that's the normality of green toe magee's mom.  

...like people who brag because they're tall

Today was formal day for uniform so Andrew had to wear a collar and tie. Thankfully, we didn't have a repeat of sept. 17th, known as picture day. He refused the shirt and instead, wore a white polo shirt with tie and vest. I thought about getting retakes but then I decided against it because I'd like to show him his crazy polo shirt and tie picture when he's 18, most likely doing the exact same thing. "See! you were like this in kindergarten too!"
So today, he came home and said to me, "mommy, my collar feels like its invading my personal space". This kid has his boundaries well marked out. Later on in the evening he asked me to smell his finger. You don't want to know why.

Elsie has been crying every day to go to the Markham Fair. She cries in the car while sobbing, "markham fair, markham fair". Whats with her? shes has no cognition of ever going? We've stopped by to drop off their art submissions and that has thrown her. She doesn't know why she can't stay and go on the rides. "not ready, markham fair, not ready" is what she repeats through sobs.

Mondays is gymnastics for elsie and the moms that sit in the lounge are super moms. They compare rapidity of potty training, hair length and other non-essential skills in life. They actually tote the masculinity of their girls as well. Being tough, "tank-ish" and evening proclaiming their not "girlie-girls" is now the new distinguisher. So odd! They also think pre-fab halloween costumes are tacky because you should want your child to stand out in the crowd, the CROWD THAT THEY ARE FOLLOWING door to door for candy. It drives me nuts when they boast about height and weight. that reminds me, I witnessed today Andrew's first teasing for his height. A kid in his class who is taller than him took out his little finger and poked andrew repeatedly while he said, "little andrew, little andrew". Andrew made a funny face like, GRRRR while smiling. I made it back to him. Sure, I wanted to pick up the twerp by the backpack and throw him on the ground like an upside down ladybug and scream some sort of "you have insecurities kid! didn't your mom sew your freaking lion costume for you for halloween?" but I didn't because you know, that's life. I can't step in and protect him. He has to defend himself. He has to develop the skills to kick a kid in the knee cap, twist his arm behind his back and say, "say 'little andrew' one more time, knucklehead". I've seen Andrew's jedi moves. He could totally take him.

Romantic gesture

I saw this post on Facebook. I would like to write down how I would respond if Paul ever did that for me:

Hello,

I don't know who you think I am but I hate the dress you chose. Because of the two children I have birthed, my arms are flabbier and therefore will be hidden under a shawl. My thighs will not allow this dress to go past my butt so that is why I never wear it. It reminds me of the carefree life of eating carbs at every meal and not having to wonder why my stomach bellows out when I sit down. Finally, I don't have shoes!

Secondly, dinner at 7? Are you kidding me? I'm hungry at 5:30 because I've nibbled on left over Mac and cheese from lunch and ate a few goldfish crackers (that I found in the couch). 

Thirdly, don't talk to me that way. I'll be ready when I'm ready. Where are we going that it only takes 30 minutes to get there? Are we going to Richmond Hill? We aren't going to Ikea are we? I don't like surprises. It better not be some "new" restaurant, or worse, some place where we have to be wait listed. 

Even if we go out, I'll want to be home by 9:30, because of guilty for staying out late, and also because I'm on season 7 of the X-files and want to watch 3 episodes before I go to sleep. 

So as much as I appreciate the picked out dress and sentiment, no thanks. 

Love,

Me

Waiting room ramblings

Here I am again, at Radiology and Imaging, sans children. They're monitoring the lumps in my breast. I'm just looking forward to the warm room and quietness. This waiting room is full of very sickly looking people. Could it kill people to smile? Not that I'm smiling at them but the whole glazed over faces makes me weap for humanity. 

All I keep thinking about is how much my hospital parking is going to cost. 

That, and what am I making for dinner and why don't grocery stores here carry a good Pico de Galo? Would it kill them not to blend the tomatoes in fresh salsa? We are having fajitas for dinner. It's meatless Monday so we're having beef and chicken. Not a typo. 

I'm deep into season 6 of X-files. I also had a bizarre dream about Andrew Coyne last night. No more. Watching At Issue so late at night. 

First day of school

I dropped Andrew off today at school. I was the only parent that walked their child to the classroom. What are they, HEARTLESS? I think a lot of the kids are 2nd, 3rd and 4th children in the family and by then, I guess you just pat them on the head and say, "Bye, You". So it killed me to stop the "DON'T  LEAVE ME" squeeze of a hug but I did. Sure, I lingered at the door to see if he'd turn around, but he didn't. Sure, I looked in the window to see if he'd look up, but he didn't. Crap. He's fine without me.
So then I start to cry, run into my sister, who mocks me. I leave, go to target and spend $150 on stuff we need. Does anyone need some Dr. Seuss bags? I have a few.

Its odd having one on one time with Elsie now. She doesn't talk as much, or as clearly. Its like she's Icelandic. She repeats whatever syllabic sound she thinks represents something and becomes increasingly more frustrated as I don't know what Lankeycorn is (turns out its a purple unicorn). She amazingly went down for a nap and now here I am with time on my hands. I made a French press coffee, ate two brownies and went online. New routine I guess, for 3 out of the 5 days of the week.

Warning: back off

Sometimes at the end of the day, you look at the sweet restful faces of your children and say, "you suck the life out of me, you little monsters". 

Today I want to scream. I have had two very demanding kids. I can handle that, but once bed time hits, that's it. I'm of duty, so when one of them insists that I lay with them and scream hysterically if I leave, I feel like a hostage. That's MY time. If I don't get MY time, then the mommy they'll get tomorrow will be monster mommy. 

They are finally sleeping now but just like every night for the past 4 weeks, Andrew will wake up with a bad dream, three times and I'll have to deal with that. 

I just want a stretch of time where nothing and no one requires anything of me. Don't ask me to arrange a picnic, don't ask me to watch your kids, don't ask me to go out of my way to help, or be nice. Maybe next week if I get to sleep through the night at least once, I'll be able to do it, but not now. 

Nuts

I follow a blog called IKEA hacker and its people that transform ikea furniture into something else. Some are horrible, some brilliant. Why do we post so much online? Before the Internet you'd only be able to bore your friends with the nifty crafts you made. Now we all get to judge you. And judge I do. 

Today I did what moms refer to as "pushing" your kids. It's when you know they're tired but you treat them like boot camp troops. I had to go to 4 different stores and made it to 6, one being a pet store which can be rough. They put a huge tank of goldfish right at kid level with a completely open top. Dummies. 

So when I made it to my last stop, the LCBO, I had 2 kids throwing fits, one was because she wanted to go to the toy aisle. One shouldn't bring children into the bottle smashing convenience of a liquor store. One should also not do it at the end of a long morning. But I did. And then they sky opened up and the rain made the trek to the car even more delightful. Lunch was a blur and then I forced them to sleep. Screaming and crying ensued, then the beloved quiet. 

Then my awesome friend Claire was in the neighbourhood, brought me a latte and I had uninterrupted, quality chat time. 

... And now to prepare Paula's birthday dinner

The nitty gritty

I can't expressed how irritated I am by people and family lately. I get tired of the same old crazy dumbness. I just don't get it. I let a lot of stuff bother me, when I shouldn't because its nothing new. 

This week feels like my first week of summer. I have no more trips planned, camp is done so now it's fun time with the kids. We go or walks to the park, usually at 11am because they're both crying or fighting and one of them is clinging on my leg. I'm thankful I get to sit with them in the sand, bury our feet, push them on the swings and pull them in the wagon. 

Today I tackled the kitchen. I haven't cleaned it in about a year and I wish I was kidding. I mean, really clean, not just a Clorox wipe over the counter. It took me 3 hours. Obviously I'm telling paul we are going out for dinner because there's no way I'm messing up my stove. 

My goal this week was to get rid of Elsie's pacifier. I'm two days late. I can't do it!!! Ughhh. It's so nice that it PACIFIES her. I made a hole in one but she didn't care. I was hoping she's toss them out of frustration. Nope, I have to do it. 

And now it's coffee time. 

Traveling home

So let me tell you......

Yesterday we flew home from Texas. Elsie had injured her foot so we carried her a lot. I am sore. 

We landed in Toronto and initially I was going to wait at the terminal as paul retrieved the car from the value park but by God's grace, I just figured I'd go with him. I might ad paul and I would be that dysfunctional couple in the Amazing Race. Yelling at each other for misreading the map, tears from me saying, why are you mad at me? Etc. so tracking together with two kids, trying to find the shuttle bus (which was clearly marked by signs) ... we actually did well. We arrived to the car, pressed the button to open car doors and nothing. Dead as American idol. So we called caa. The kids did this: 

They were happy so I was happy. Eventually CAA showed up. The rain had started and since most fell at Pearson anyway, I'm sure you can imagine how wet it was. So when we tried to exit, the electronic toll did not want to take our ticket. We had our windows open trying to communicate to both the moron behind the intercom and the car beside us who also couldn't leave. We were drenched. Kids were happy so, not bad. 

We finally got out. 

Drove home in what I would refer to a car wash. Couldn't see a thing. Saw cars floating off exits of the 427. 

Made it home. My sister had bought us food, drinks and a lovely bouquet of flowers. So awesome. 

Then Elsie fell down the stairs. 

So today I got her checked out. They found a fracture line. Could be fracture or bone anomaly. She's happy though. 

We are home, I'm out of sorts. Wish I was more tanned and am on a diet. When I felt my belly jiggle through some turbulence on the plane, I said THAT'S iT!!

Random photos and thoughts

This is a typical meal at my mom's:

We drank sparking wine and dined on its savoury goodness while watching/laughing hysterically at I'm Fluffy. He is that Mexican stand up guy on Netflix. 

We also went to County Line for lunch.  This restaurant is the epidomy of Texas. It's BBQ and the portions are outrageous. My mom and I order the appetizer size of baby back ribs. It's a half rack! Paul's ribs are usually the width of his shoulders, very flinstone-ish. Andrews apple juice was the same size as my pint of Shiner:

Texans are so friendly and I've lost my comfortability with small talk with strangers. I keep thinking they want to sell me something. They're not though, they actually just want to chat about how you can get a free ice cream cone if you return the kids meal toy at chick-fil-a. 

99 cent only stores:

There's something about the cheap, repetitive, excessive image of the candles that appealed to me. 99 cent Jesus. 

I saw this tonight. A kid let go of his balloon. 

I liked this display. It was at a midway game. 

I wanted to write something but I don't know if the person who I want to talk about reads this. To be vague, something is making me sad. It's unraveling before my eyes an if things stay the same, it'll never be repaired. I guess sometimes there's nothing you can do. Seasons I guess. 

Beach tomorrow. Very excited. 

Summer reading list: part one

Let me first say, twitter is a swimming way to contact authors. I give a shout out to the book and the author thanks me (hook and bait, suckers) and I get gratification (they heard me! I'm a somebody!)

I started off my reading with this treasure:

It's so great because I love reading about the 80s, or highschool in the 80s. It's why I fell in love with Freaks and Geeks and why I use quotations from The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day off in my everyday life. This memoir leads you back in time and plugs you into the music of a good era. 

Second book was:

I saw this on the wall at Chapters and I thought, who is Isaiah? This book is all modern and traditional at the same time. Mysterious and amusing. This guy works the midnight shift at a 24 hour bookstore and he stumbles upon some peculiar goings on at the store. People come and pick up odd books and he realizes these books are all encrypted so he tries to figure out the puzzle. It's so clever. It uses social media, Google, and old secret societies. It lulled for few chapters but then hooked me back in. 

I'm a fan of this next guy:

I've read all his books and each one has grown my faith, or at least led to some very serious and challenging discussions. I had high hopes for this one but it fell completely flat. It was boring. Nothing new came it of it and Bell definitely narrowed his audience with this one. I think you have to be a philosophy person who likes to go around questioning the existence of things, or an existentialist that doesn't even think things exist or exist in so many layers that it blows your mind, Man. Not my favourite. 

This next one, I DIDN'T finish. Good gracious!!

It was too strange! It's a book of short stories. I found this book on the short list for the Giller prize. The first story was about a girl who has an issue with eating. When I say issue, I mean she ate clay, dirt and terra cotta planters. Maybe I'll check out the other stories but that's just not my cup of tea...or mud. 

Now to my current read:

I'm half through it. It's not as funny as I thought it would be but it's entertaining enough to keep swiping the pages. Yup, this one is an ebook. 

Resort

Every time we come to Texas we usually come down to Galveston. It's an island. It has had 3 hurricanes smash throughout. Each time they lose historical piers. The last one took out the last one so they rebuild it and put an amusement park on it and called it Pleasure Pier. Frankly I think it's the worst name. This being said, I also saw a restaurant called Twin Peaks. The food is as good as the view. I guess it's like hooters. Now that's clever. 

I got dehydrated yesterday. It's rather foolish since it can all be avoided by drinking water. I remember to push fluids on my kids, but not me. So I feel achy, nauseous and have no energy. This is the antithesis to motherhood. I somehow managed to muster up strength to go to the water park with them. It takes a lot of mental power to enter a crowded pool where you have you have about a square foot of space all because your kid wants to jump in the waves. I avoid looking at the water because it's full of gross people things. 

I ended up finding a lost child and I tried to help her find her mom but she ended up yelling at me to go away. What mom doesn't know their child is missing? I just shadowed her and she seemed to find some people she knew and they took over. 

Can I also say that Texas is the best place to wear a two piece bathing suit. If you have body issues, you can guarantee that there are at least 8 out of every 10 women who are bigger than you. 

What year is this?

I'm usually surprised by something in Texas and today it was the library. First, they way they organize books is horrible for visual people. It's all on shelves. You any see the covers and since this is how I pick all children's books, it was annoying. Second, they did the same for DVDs and covered the spine with a horrible coding system. They also mixed all genres. They kicker was when I watched the librarian check out the books. She kept flipping the front cover open an sticking a card in the archaic pocket that all books, pre-1980 have. She's putting the return dates into the book! Oh my goodness! Someone hand stamps these every day? What century am I in?

So the art of redundancy is not lost after all. 

The flight out was alright. My two year old was too excited to also and was awake the entire flight, pressing any button available and watching 2 minutes of each kid cartoon available in the inflight entertainment. She didn't sleep until 1am. What a nut!

Oh an another thing about this backwards first world country. You know they don't recycle, at all? Wine bottles are thrown in the garbage! It killed me today to pull an egg from a styrofoam egg carton. There is so much styrofoam. I'm not a big environmentalist but I think you should at least try. 

I'll do that, thank you very much

Man! This kid of mine is making me self reflect way too much. I have an issue with control. I like it, because it makes me feel safe to manipulate the environment around me. I don't like surprises, change or conflict. Hey, guess who has inherited this destructive quality? A four year old. He was born with it. How on earth do I teach him tht he can't control his environment when it's the very thing I strive to do daily? It is a constant battle with him. The type of socks he wears, how they go on his feet and how they settle around his toes. If it is at all slightly off, a huge tsunami of tears and frustration, anger and stomping will ensue. 

Last week I raised the volume on a song in the car, which evidently he didn't want to hear and he screamed all the way home. 

Now, I see this as a direct reflection of my inadequate parenting. I give him to much choice so he thinks he can manipulate every situation. I do to much for him. I don't give him enough opportunities to be independent. I am not tough enough. I am not consistent enough. His bad behaviour is a direct reflection of my failures and weakness. 

Healthy view? Certainly not. Manipulating the problem so that it is somehow something I can control because I love control? Yes. 

I do not let paul discipline the kids. You know why? Control. It's my job. I know how to do it. He should do it my way. Every time he tries I undermine him, interrupt, critique, or sabatoge. You know why? Control. If he does it better than me, then I'm a failure. 

So in our discussion tonight, after a doozy of a four year old temper tantrum where I tried to control everything involved, I decided (I, I, I) that I will now take cues from paul. My way is not working. I have to yield. I have to try and work with Paul and I have to let go and encourage him to grow in the area and also support that relationship between him and the kids. It's so hard for me to bite my tongue but if we want our kids to be independent, active members of society who vote for each level of government and know how to put on their own shoes, let alone sort recycling then I have to let go. Ughhh. Let go. 

Book it

I have a pain in my toe. It's like a numb area that spiders out tingles. Sometimes it aches. I told my supportive husband about it and he said:

You have the gout. 

What are we in, the 18th century? Wealthy people who ate rich foods would get the gout. Do note the added "the". It's so much more dramatic. So it's not gout but maybe it's another embarrassing old person issue like a bunion or corn? That's disgusting. 

I have kid stories that make me laugh by if I were to retell them, you'd skip over this paragraph. However, this is my blog. They've both started air guitar when music comes but they don't get the "air" part. They rub their chests on the diagonal and make a scrunched up face. I have many videos of it. Elsie does air mic as well but it looks as if she's trying to eat her fist. 

I have set up my reading list for the summer. I'm hoping ebook borrowers from the library be swift. Here is my list:

What we talk about when we talk about God- rob bell.    

Radio belly -    Buffy cram     

Pulphead Essays - John Jeremiah Sullivan 

Lets explore diabetes with owls - Dave sedaris

I have completed

1982 - jian ghomeshi

Mr. Penumbra's 24- hour Book Store - Robin Sloan

They were both great. I recommend both. 

 

Ramblings: about me

I reread my blogs. I continually check out my Instagram pictures. I reread status updates and twitter posts. I tend to think I am the best thing since sliced bread. 

False. Completely insecure and need to check if someone has commented, liked, retweeted or shared something I have thrown out into void of social media. 

It makes me laugh when people use "the" in front of Facebook and twitter. It brings me great joy when they use it before a pluralized Internet as well. 

I have to go back in 3 months for another breast ultra sound. They have a classification system for cysts and fibroids and I'm at a 3 which is "probably benine but dr. wants to track it. I'm not worried. 

I need to get clothes that are boho chic because I have decided this is the image I need to portray to the world. Anthropologie carries this image for a hefty price tag. Have contemplated hoofing it to VV and aiming lower to just boho. 

Chic is quite over rated though, no? Everything is chic these days. 

Me time

Imagine. No children. A quiet room. Low lighting. Comfortable clothing. Hands behind your head. Warm gel on your breast because...... youre getting an ultra sound. Frankly, it was heavenly. 

Novice mashed potato bazingas.  I think that's the technical term. This isn't the first time I've had to get checked and I'm pretty sure it isn't the last. At least this time I put the robe on correctly. 

Good food

Let's talk food. I have been failthful to meatless Mondays for close to two months now. This isn't a life style choice or a healthy option, it is solely a fad. I think it's cool. This is also why I listen to CBC radio 2, The Drive. I channel cool this way. This is also why I'm wearing black converse shoes which I will admit, are put on using a long shoe horn because I can't be bothered to untie the laces and am too tired to bend over and put them on. It's a walking irony really. 

So Monday was fish tacos. It's our go-to. 

Get frozen tilapia. Squeeze lime on them, garlic powder, cumin and chili powder and let it sit for as long as it takes to clean a play room twice, sing along to a Tegan and Sarah and Lumineer, and referee three fights. Serve with mango salsa (mango, cucumber, red onion, cilantro, lime). 

Last night was lettuce wraps. Vermicelli noodles are horrible for toddlers. Elsie looked like she was being swallowed by an oceanic mop. Those sticky noodles stick like leeches. I used ground pork. Seasoned with teriyaki and oyster sauce. The wraps were romaine lettuce leaves. I used hoisin sauce to top the wrap off. 

Photos. Yummy!!

1982

1982. I love this book. I could relate. It's a memoir of jian ghomeshi. Basically how music, among other things shaped his life. 1982 was a coming of age type year for him. 

Music has also been a major part of my life. There are certain bands that change your life. Certain songs that become anthems for your existence. One group or album that changes mine was No Need to Argue. The cranberries. Their political agenda and awesome melodies immediately resonated with me. 

Mix tapes were a staple in my high school existence too. If make them, I would receive them. What girl didn't pour over the song choices on a mix from a boy? I tried to decipher how the person felt about me by the number of romantic songs. A guy would generally put little thought into that and just put songs on that he felt was cool and wanted another person to think was cool as well. Cool songs were anything from:

The Breeders

Pixies

Wilco

Sloan

Smashing Pumpkins

Beck

Sebadoh

Radio head

I wish I had kept my mix tapes. They are long gone. Plus, where would you play one anyway?

So back to the book. It is great. Read it. 

Here fishy, fishy, fishy

I don't like knowing where my food comes from. Correction, the once alive but now dead food. I love farms but am now quite certain I do not like rivers/ponds. We went fishing yesterday and caught two trout. Imagine fishing in a stocked aquarium. That's the type of fishing we did. It's good for small kids whose attention span in fishing is comparable to a claw vending machine. So we caught them, high school dimwits cleaned them and I stare at it on my cooking sheet. We made our peace, I stuffed it with herbs and butter, wrapped it in foil and threw it on the BBQ. 

I think we undercooked it. it took everything in me to control my gag reflex. Reminds me of the time I had Vietnamese soup. Good news, I have another whole trout in the freezer. 

Lets get physical

Is there anything more humiliating than a physical? Thank goodness my doctor is female but she's also much younger than me. She's in her last year of residency. Instead of explaining what happened, I will just tell you individual thoughts I had. 

Ugh, I hate saying the word "breasts". Am I giggling? Grow up!

Pap smear. Yay. I'm on my period she will make me resche..... Oh great, she can still do it. Crap. I didn't bring any extra feminine supplies. Where? What? Ughhhh.

Undress? Completely naked? Oh, you have a gown. Could have mentioned that before my face showed panic. 

Oh no, the gown. Which way did she say the flap was suppose to open. Good Lord, would it kill me to shave my legs! 

Oh crap, the flap goes in the back. I can't make eye contact. 

Put my hand above my head. Good gracious, my arm pit hair!! I don't even...don't ask me... What? A lump? Ugh, I have to schedule another person to watch my kids?

Relax my knees? I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. No, don't test for any STDs thank you. I'll take my chances on gonorrhea. 

Thank God. We're done. 

Cheap chairs

The other day my neighbour was selling her junk. I bought a stack of kids books and a white ikea chair. $2 for everything. She said she would bring the chair over since it was broken. What? Great, now I'm too embarrassed to say I don't want it. Um sure, bring that crap over, right, both pieces. Don't forget the leg. She's like, " your husband is handy. He can fix it". I look and the leg is ripped off, not just broken. So I grin and say no problem and take it. I bought wood glue, contemplated a screw but used it in a sentence instead. 

The chair was alright. I made sure I was the only one to sit on it. Hesitation led to timidity which lead to confident which led to false sense of security until last night while I was leaning back enjoying my Popsicle when CRACK, down she goes. It's nice that my kids barely blinked and kept licking their dessert. Paul asked the most helpful and tactfully timed question, "what are you doing?"  Worst $2 I've ever spent in my life. I wish it had happened while I was eating salad and wheat germ. Timing is everything. 

Nudity in Fantasia

It's 1:30 in the afternoon and one child is still in his PJs and wearing rubber boots while playing in the backyard. The other child is in a shirt 6 months too small and ugly pale pink sweatpants, no socks and running shoes. They're both soaking wet from playing with rain water, sitting in rain water and the little one is wet from drinking rain water.
It is a day like today that I'm thrilled to be at home with the kids. I'm sick. How awesome is it that I have no where to go and have no responsibilities that requires my time to see something through to completion. This does not include the two loads of laundry I have to fold and the wet clothes I need to put into the dryer.
I can sit, and try to will myself into good health.
I don't know how working moms do it. It must be tough to have a rough night with the kids and then have to be out the door by 8am. I get to have 4 cups of coffee and watch TVO kids, or in our case this morning, Fantasia, which I might add has a lot of naked fairies and those half horse half person type creatures. I mean, topless. Weird. I wasn't expecting that and frankly felt awkward as my four year old boy giggled.

15 minutes until I put one child to bed. It'll then be my quiet time while the boy plays angry birds on the iPad. Seriously, iPads are the best thing in the world.

Sleep!!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter has decided to habitually wake up for 90 minutes every night. It is killing me. Klingon me. See, auto correct is against me too. Killing. Me.
Night before last she smashed my adorable owl night light. A shower gift while pregnant with Andrew. Last night, she flicked on her flower ikea light and read in the glow of the boob like petals. Seriously, have you seen this wall lamp? Jokes on us I think.
Some nights she comes into our room with a gleeful, "Hi-llo". I try to put her in her bed but she cries, "no way!" I lay with her and I get, "beep, beep" as she squishes my nose. This leads to the painful anatomy lesson where she uses her weapon of a tiny toddler finger and jams it into my facial features, naming them as she goes. It's 2 o'clock in the morning FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CHILD! SLEEP!!
So I leave and I don't know what she does but I have to return to my bed.
Twice I have found her fast asleep on her rug. Guess you just fall where you're at and sleep when you're tired enough. Kind of like me at the end of the day.

Lets speculate.

We had an meeting/interview for Andrew's future school. They said they'll let us know if we're accepted in a few days. Hahahaha. Right. Why the formalities? Do you not know who I am? I'm pretty sure it's all just formalities. However I was quite amused that the principal knew my old boss and said he had a couple of run ins with her at sporting tournaments. This is not shocking in the slightest if you have met blood-from-stone, who-needs-gloves -in-first-aid-kits-Madame-anti-Capri-lady.

So I hear the "bombers" are from outside Chechnya. As if that place hasn't had it tough enough. I'm also perplexed by all these shockingly coincidental stories. That guy who had his legs blown off, pictures being wheeled away by cowboy hat rescuer, supposedly woke up in the hospital and said he saw the bomber eye to eye and saw him drop the bag at his feet. True? How fortunate then that the injured and first eye witness was one and the same, also photographed and that photo was widely circulated. True?
Uncle says bombers are losers. Aunt says their innocent. True?

The moms group was totally encouraging today, specifically because people came! Four moms, one dad. Hurray!!

One more slice

Boston. The whole thing makes me sad. What did those people do to deserve that? Nothing. Real jerks out there. I hope they find the culprits.

For the first time ever in my life I want to lose weight. At night after eating chips and two cookies I think to myself, well that should change. I don't even have clothes that I want to fit into, I just don't want my current clothes to fit because I bought them after one of my pregnancies. I'd like new clothes. My arms feel tight in my tshirts. There's a roll on my stomach. Last time I looked at my profile in the mirror I gasped. Where did that butt come from? So eating should change and probably some sort of exercise.

Meatless Mondays. It's a start. Tonight was lime and cilantro tilapia, with chickpea, Boccaccini , tomato basil salad with flat bread.

Angry Bird Star Wars birthday party

So excuse that I have no clue how to format the photos so there is text to explain them all but I'm pretty sure you are clever enough to pick up on what I'm talking about.

For my sons fourth birthday we did and angry bird theme. It was hard to get decorations because it was either only Star Wars or only angry birds.

Decorations: balloons. Star Wars table cloth, black plates, Darth Vader napkins, Yoda cups

Food: hotdogs, cheezies, veggies, Yoda Soda (lime kool-aid and 7-up) and Wookie cookies (chocolate chip)

Craft: foam puppets. I resized some colouring pages I found online, then cut out each section, traced it into foam and then cut it out. White glue is notoriously awful for gluing foam, but I found small squeeze tubes that allowed for less glue to come out. It was also good for little hands. Glue sticks work great too.

Loot Bags: each had angry bird eggs which had candy inside, boys got an angry bird starwars mystery grab bag (can get at toys r us, contains 2 figures), and random loot toys from Party packagers. For the kids under 2, they got a tube of Little People.

Cake: Courtesy of Ginger's Cupcakes (Richmond Hill)

It all ends in a loathing of peeps

My son has taken to pronouncing missile like miss-aisle and it irritates me to no end.
We made a bird feeder/squirrel feeder and one grey squirrel keeps coming back so obviously we need to name him. Andrew generally names things like Scruffy ( our invisible dog), tigery, fuzzy etc. so he surprised me when he named our squirrel friend, Peter.

I've folded 6 loads of laundry. Must reconsider being one of those naturalist families.

Twice today food has flown off the kitchen table in poltergeist fashion and both times landed upright. One was pizza, the other... a bowl of cereal!! What are the odds?

I'm so in the mood for something cooked Ina single dish. Like lasagna, or some casserole of some sort. Unfortunately dinner my domain and we will probably eat scrambles eggs because of all of the above mentioned events today.

Also, who eats Peeps? I bought a pack because if something has "clearance" posted, I get anxiety that if I don't buy it, I'm letting myself down. Anywho, peeps are the most disgusting nonfood ever. Does it contain anything remotely close to a natural ingredient?

Parties and then the Eucharist

The amount of time I put into parties isn't proportional with the time enjoying them. However, I feel intrinsically gratified by what I accomplish. Andrew is having an angry birds Star Wars party. There is lots in angry birds, lots on Star Wars but nothing of the two. So I'm making it up. The craft prep took me about 3 hours. Next up, balloons that look like piggy storm troopers.

I participated in my first labyrinth prayer walk. I'm thoroughly enjoying "ritual" in my faith journey right now. The Anglican experience is exposing me to new things, which are actually very, very old. Yesterday I experienced the Eucharist in a new light. I watched as people held out their hands, waiting to receive the bread and wine. Like they were waiting, anticipating a wonderful and yet mysterious gift. I'm used to sitting in my seat, making sure my heart is right, like I'm trying to make myself worthy of participating. It's kind of stressful because what if I eat and drink and forget something. Am I eating and drinking condemnation? No, instead I'm putting myself too central in the Eucharist. It's a gift. A mysterious gift. For me, for the church. It's about God's grace and mercy to us. Not what we have done to deserve it. What He has done, and is doing and what He is planning to do.

No sleep, must Sleep

So, I have not taken away the pacifier. Shocking, no? But getting that girl to nap in bed is driving me bonkers. Fortunately I have a video monitor and like the voice of God, can loudly clear my throat and watch a little girl run back to her pillow and pretend to sleep. I watch her freeze in her tracks when I walk near her door. That girl!!

In other news we returned to Andrew's hell, which goes by the name of Rainforest Cafe. The fear in his eyes is so real. This was his 3rd time going. He clutches to my chest like a cat over water, buries his face and plugs his ears. This time his way of coping involved falling asleep. I think his body shut down to block out the terror.

I'm reading a fantastic book called Evangelicals in the Canterbury Trail. It's about the draw to the liturgical church. I love seeing things in a new perspective. I think it's great to take a step back, look at what's "always been" take it apart, question it and figure it all out. I've been raised in a discourse that thinks only people who adhere to certain spiritual do's and don'ts go to heaven. That's pretty crazy, no? Everyone thinks their interpretation of the bible is the only one, and if you don't accept it then you're on the outs. Christianity is like a diamond, so many facets.
I like what the new pope said. He hopes there would be unity in the brotherhood. Can you imagine how awesome it would be if we (the church) actually came together as one just as Christ and God are one?

Dependency

The other day we were watching the news and they showed a volcano erupting. I directed Andrew's attention toward it. He asked where that was happening:
Me: Russia, the place the meteor hit
Andrew: why they both happen there?
Me: why do you think they both happened there?
Andrew: God sent a fireball to kill the bad people.

I resolve that we either have to read more New Testament or tone down old James Bond movies, or combination of both.

We are in the process of weening my daughter off the pacifier. And by we I mean me and by my daughter, I also mean me. It's so easy to just stick it into her mouth. Do you know what it does, it PACIFIES her.
In my mind I think if she is in a bed (not crib) this will help. So wish me luck because tomorrow she's moving out! I bet I'm going to feel great self efficacy when at 3 am and she falls out, bumping her head and wanting nothing but a mass produced rubber plug in between her lips. I will say, Amy, good on you for tackling two huge developmental issues at once. Why don't you just take her diapers off and toilet train too. And then I will roll eyes at logical 3am Amy and frantically search in the dark for the remaining pacifier and stick it in her mouth (toddlers, not mine), breathe a sigh of relief and recite my mantra, "you are a good mom, you are a good mom" and deal with issues tomorrow.

Jeremiah 29

There's a verse that says, "I know the plans I have for you..." That has been repeated in my head today. My family is going through some deep waters right now. Different situations, different stresses but difficult nonetheless. I feel like God is saying that we can make grand plans or even small plans but sometimes it's His plans that come to fruition, not ours. The two "I's" in the verse that really stand out to me.

Snow

I get way too emotionally involve in people's tweets and/or status updates, and by people I mean one person. It irritates me to no end an i really have to let it go but the comments are so double edged!

So crazy snow today. I'd like to measure how much fell. I think plunking my toddler in the deepest section would be a good marker. "Hey, one time it snowed as high as your eyebrows and we almost lost you but you stuck your hand up just in time," says me when she's older.
She's also quite ill today. So lethargic and limp. A long nap and some lunch perked her up though. I can't say that for myself. After 5 coffees and a diet coke before a lunch of hotdogs and poutine, resulted in a very poor après lunch indigestion to say the least. I caught up on an episode of Days of Our Lives which confused me to no end. It's the slowest moving soap but miss a few critical plot turns and you're left spending countless hours on spoiler sights. Or you would if you didn't have seven loads of laundry to fold and four tummies to fill.

This is my blog hat trick. Three in a row!!

Good food

Why is yogurt so expensive? Why is Greek yogurt so trendy and popular and $8.50 for 16 of the singles? Why does it taste so good. I resisted for a long as I could but I've been sucked into the under tow of Greek cultured milk in the stream of dairy goodness.

So Justin briber hosting and being musical guest for SNL. How do we feel about that? Right, just as I thought, we don't care because the only reason we would be up past 10:30pm is because someone under 3ft is crying, peeing, or cold..... or we've decided to rewatch Firefly.

I was warned by my mother that once I had kids my metabolism would change. I scoffed at her. I slimmed back down after kid number one. But 20 months after kid number 2, all if a sudden I don't fit my pants. Hips! Thighs! How do I change a very handy and delicious eating habit that has done me no harm for 34 years?? I eat carbs. I eat sugar. Right now I'm eating corn chips (this is after the cake pop I devoured). At least I've started on yogurt. That's healthy, right? Cursed genes.

Unfair

This is a conversation:

Me: when I taught math, my grade fours did the grade five curriculum
Nemesis: YOU'RE a teacher?? I thought you were JUST a mom!

What the heck is that suppose to mean? I'm offended as a teacher AND a mom. Irked.

My 3 yr old has entered the "this is SO unfair" stage. He wants to stay up like adults. He doesn't know how often my inner voice screams "this is so unfair". It's usually screamed when he tells me he needs company in the washroom or when my toddler drops to the floor in tears every time I try to wrangle her limp arms into her winter coat, or how about when my son refuses to eat his toast because there's a sunflower in it, or how my daughter chucks her gloves off, yanks her hat off and kicks her boots to the floor every time I buckle her into her car seat.

I will say what I do find fair. Two kids in bed by 8 so I can watch Murdoch Mysteries. Two kids that usually sleep in until 7:30am, 8 on a good day.
It's fair that I get good parking spots.