Me time

Imagine. No children. A quiet room. Low lighting. Comfortable clothing. Hands behind your head. Warm gel on your breast because...... youre getting an ultra sound. Frankly, it was heavenly. 

Novice mashed potato bazingas.  I think that's the technical term. This isn't the first time I've had to get checked and I'm pretty sure it isn't the last. At least this time I put the robe on correctly. 

Good food

Let's talk food. I have been failthful to meatless Mondays for close to two months now. This isn't a life style choice or a healthy option, it is solely a fad. I think it's cool. This is also why I listen to CBC radio 2, The Drive. I channel cool this way. This is also why I'm wearing black converse shoes which I will admit, are put on using a long shoe horn because I can't be bothered to untie the laces and am too tired to bend over and put them on. It's a walking irony really. 

So Monday was fish tacos. It's our go-to. 

Get frozen tilapia. Squeeze lime on them, garlic powder, cumin and chili powder and let it sit for as long as it takes to clean a play room twice, sing along to a Tegan and Sarah and Lumineer, and referee three fights. Serve with mango salsa (mango, cucumber, red onion, cilantro, lime). 

Last night was lettuce wraps. Vermicelli noodles are horrible for toddlers. Elsie looked like she was being swallowed by an oceanic mop. Those sticky noodles stick like leeches. I used ground pork. Seasoned with teriyaki and oyster sauce. The wraps were romaine lettuce leaves. I used hoisin sauce to top the wrap off. 

Photos. Yummy!!

1982

1982. I love this book. I could relate. It's a memoir of jian ghomeshi. Basically how music, among other things shaped his life. 1982 was a coming of age type year for him. 

Music has also been a major part of my life. There are certain bands that change your life. Certain songs that become anthems for your existence. One group or album that changes mine was No Need to Argue. The cranberries. Their political agenda and awesome melodies immediately resonated with me. 

Mix tapes were a staple in my high school existence too. If make them, I would receive them. What girl didn't pour over the song choices on a mix from a boy? I tried to decipher how the person felt about me by the number of romantic songs. A guy would generally put little thought into that and just put songs on that he felt was cool and wanted another person to think was cool as well. Cool songs were anything from:

The Breeders

Pixies

Wilco

Sloan

Smashing Pumpkins

Beck

Sebadoh

Radio head

I wish I had kept my mix tapes. They are long gone. Plus, where would you play one anyway?

So back to the book. It is great. Read it. 

Here fishy, fishy, fishy

I don't like knowing where my food comes from. Correction, the once alive but now dead food. I love farms but am now quite certain I do not like rivers/ponds. We went fishing yesterday and caught two trout. Imagine fishing in a stocked aquarium. That's the type of fishing we did. It's good for small kids whose attention span in fishing is comparable to a claw vending machine. So we caught them, high school dimwits cleaned them and I stare at it on my cooking sheet. We made our peace, I stuffed it with herbs and butter, wrapped it in foil and threw it on the BBQ. 

I think we undercooked it. it took everything in me to control my gag reflex. Reminds me of the time I had Vietnamese soup. Good news, I have another whole trout in the freezer. 

Lets get physical

Is there anything more humiliating than a physical? Thank goodness my doctor is female but she's also much younger than me. She's in her last year of residency. Instead of explaining what happened, I will just tell you individual thoughts I had. 

Ugh, I hate saying the word "breasts". Am I giggling? Grow up!

Pap smear. Yay. I'm on my period she will make me resche..... Oh great, she can still do it. Crap. I didn't bring any extra feminine supplies. Where? What? Ughhhh.

Undress? Completely naked? Oh, you have a gown. Could have mentioned that before my face showed panic. 

Oh no, the gown. Which way did she say the flap was suppose to open. Good Lord, would it kill me to shave my legs! 

Oh crap, the flap goes in the back. I can't make eye contact. 

Put my hand above my head. Good gracious, my arm pit hair!! I don't even...don't ask me... What? A lump? Ugh, I have to schedule another person to watch my kids?

Relax my knees? I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. No, don't test for any STDs thank you. I'll take my chances on gonorrhea. 

Thank God. We're done. 

Cheap chairs

The other day my neighbour was selling her junk. I bought a stack of kids books and a white ikea chair. $2 for everything. She said she would bring the chair over since it was broken. What? Great, now I'm too embarrassed to say I don't want it. Um sure, bring that crap over, right, both pieces. Don't forget the leg. She's like, " your husband is handy. He can fix it". I look and the leg is ripped off, not just broken. So I grin and say no problem and take it. I bought wood glue, contemplated a screw but used it in a sentence instead. 

The chair was alright. I made sure I was the only one to sit on it. Hesitation led to timidity which lead to confident which led to false sense of security until last night while I was leaning back enjoying my Popsicle when CRACK, down she goes. It's nice that my kids barely blinked and kept licking their dessert. Paul asked the most helpful and tactfully timed question, "what are you doing?"  Worst $2 I've ever spent in my life. I wish it had happened while I was eating salad and wheat germ. Timing is everything.