Below are exerts from a year of emails I've sent out to other moms. Instead of blogging, I'd write the emails, so now I'll just post blurbs here. Its long! Its a year's worth! Hope its enjoyable.

Summer-ish season is upon us and so are the dirty toes, clothes and faces on the tots. Makes baths more frequent...or not. Who hasn't turned a blind eye at the "coal miner" look of their tot and thought, ahhh, she's not that dirty. I'll bathe her tomorrow. I'm too tired, plus I have 4 episodes of House of Cards that I want to get through tonight and a bath will set us back past the 8 o'clock mark, and thats when ME time starts. oh and thank goodness there's a half bag of Sour Cream 'n Onion chips that I can eat without anyone asking for some. Or is that just me?

I was thinking about words lately, speech actually and how eager we are to get our tots to start speaking. Most veterans moms will tell you that the longer they're quiet, the better and sometimes, I'd have to agree. I would like to ask you mature moms out there, when does "I'm going to poop in your face" tend to fade out? Everything ends with poop or pee. Sorry about being graphic there but its so common in our house that I'm afraid I'm going to slip at the Tim Hortons drive-thru and say, "I'll have a coffee, black. Thanks Poop Face". 

This past summer we snuck Elsie onto some 3+ rides and when the attendant, skeptically asked us how old she was, we said three, to which Andrew piped up and shouted, "She's not 3, she's 2". Great, we are liars and we're putting our child in danger on a banana ride. 

Also, the first time Elsie quoted Frozen "the sky's awake, so I'm awake, we've got to play", it was cute. Now after the 5th time and in very inopportune moments, like bedtime, its not so cute. 

So enjoy the babble and silence, those of you with non-verbals. It doesn't last.

The kids and I are going to start a garden and by "the kids", I mean me and by "start" I mean, tear up the yard in a manner that looks like I'm hunting for buried treasure. I honestly think to myself, how hard can it be? I happened to get a magazine that shows step by step how to do it, with diagrams showing you where certain plants should go. I figure, I've managed motherhood without self-help books, gardening should also be a breeze (please sense sarcasm here). With an active ground hog, rabbit and occasional skunk in our backyard, I'm not banking on anything actually surviving and ending up on our table, but it feels great to be outside and being in the earth and repressing all fight or flight adrenaline in front of the kids when something creeps in the dirt or lands on my shoulder. "Hahaha, that's just nature kids. they won't hurt you" I scream while running inside the house, leaving them dazed and alone. 

Are you like me, where you wake up for a kid related emergency like trying to find their comfort blankie/stuffie in the middle of the night, or fixing the "I'm cold/too hot" canundrum, "I have to go to the bathroom...again" etc and you walk as if you've been drinking all night, wobbling to their room, in a half asleep daze, managing to solve the emergency with only one eye partially awake, all the while, all you can think about is pulling the warm blankets up above your head and going back to sleep and finally, you do, your head hits the pillow, sigh of relief and then ZOINK! Brain is fully awake and all you can think about is all the embarrassing things you said that day, all the things you left undone and then proceed to lay there for 45 minutes trying to convince yourself to fall back asleep! Motherhood.

Hope everyone is enjoying their week and I trust March Break went well. We are currently still in Florida. The routine is out the window and the fights over the iPads are reaching their pinnacle. We spent 5 hours at the zoo yesterday, came home to quickly change, then went for another walk to find something to eat. My parents are in downtown Tampa, so there's an area of restaurants that mostly cater to the cruise ships docking at port, so on a Wednesday evening, they're all closed. Would have been nice to know that before we hauled everyone out. Fortunately, there was one restaurant still open. Hooters. Apparently they have a good kid's menu. So why not take them to this fine dining establishment? I couldn't make eye contact and I didn't order anything that had, "thigh, breast or buns" in the description.

Like a true Canadian, I'd like to first talk about the weather. Its cold. Nothing pains me more than taking off my mittens and trying to squeeze a (squirmy) kid wearing a snowsuit into a 5-point harness. Reminds me of when I tried to fit into my pre-children jeans. This includes the tears.

I was listening to the radio recently and they discussed how long into January you can say "Happy New Year". Apparently it's only good until the 5th of January, so excuse my subject title as I'm 3 days past expiration. However, it is a NEW year and that is exciting. Are you a resolution maker? I make them in my head, but don't dare speak them in case I fail. Like flossing. That resolution is at least 8 years old. I'll secretly tell you I'm trying to potty train, but don't judge me if Elsie is wearing diapers on Friday. Its one thing to do it at home and another in public. Sometimes the phrase, "I have to go potty" creates the same anxiety as if someone yelled, "Fire!" or "80% Sale on shoes!".


I hope everyone is staying warm during these very frigid temperatures. I do my best to put on a warm coat, mitts, scarf and toque on Elsie. By the time I buckle her in the car seat and walk around to the driver-side, she has successfully removed every bit of winter of clothing and poured herself a Piña Colada. I also took the kids into the backyard and pulled them around in the tobogganing. Nothing like one lap around a small yard to prove that you're not as young, fit or limber as you thought you were. The burning in my chest was unbearable.


Andrew has discovered the joy of eating snow. I told him not to eat yellow snow, to which he asked, "why?". I thought he would know by now. Toopy and Binou have an episode where they tell kids that yellow snow tastes like bananas. What's wrong with those guys?

Everyone staying dry this morning? Kudos to the kids who picked mermaid or scuba diver today. Today has been super scary for us. I decided to get more serious with potty training Elsie. The pharmaceutical companies should really make some sort of pill that rids apathy towards wet and disgusting underwear for toddlers. Seriously, don't they care? Lucky for me, the halloween candy loot will be used as bribery and awards to make this new stage a success, and by success I mean, I will be eating it to reward my patience and hard work.