Romantic gesture

I saw this post on Facebook. I would like to write down how I would respond if Paul ever did that for me:

Hello,

I don't know who you think I am but I hate the dress you chose. Because of the two children I have birthed, my arms are flabbier and therefore will be hidden under a shawl. My thighs will not allow this dress to go past my butt so that is why I never wear it. It reminds me of the carefree life of eating carbs at every meal and not having to wonder why my stomach bellows out when I sit down. Finally, I don't have shoes!

Secondly, dinner at 7? Are you kidding me? I'm hungry at 5:30 because I've nibbled on left over Mac and cheese from lunch and ate a few goldfish crackers (that I found in the couch). 

Thirdly, don't talk to me that way. I'll be ready when I'm ready. Where are we going that it only takes 30 minutes to get there? Are we going to Richmond Hill? We aren't going to Ikea are we? I don't like surprises. It better not be some "new" restaurant, or worse, some place where we have to be wait listed. 

Even if we go out, I'll want to be home by 9:30, because of guilty for staying out late, and also because I'm on season 7 of the X-files and want to watch 3 episodes before I go to sleep. 

So as much as I appreciate the picked out dress and sentiment, no thanks. 

Love,

Me