Last week I raised the volume on a song in the car, which evidently he didn't want to hear and he screamed all the way home.
Now, I see this as a direct reflection of my inadequate parenting. I give him to much choice so he thinks he can manipulate every situation. I do to much for him. I don't give him enough opportunities to be independent. I am not tough enough. I am not consistent enough. His bad behaviour is a direct reflection of my failures and weakness.
Healthy view? Certainly not. Manipulating the problem so that it is somehow something I can control because I love control? Yes.
I do not let paul discipline the kids. You know why? Control. It's my job. I know how to do it. He should do it my way. Every time he tries I undermine him, interrupt, critique, or sabatoge. You know why? Control. If he does it better than me, then I'm a failure.
So in our discussion tonight, after a doozy of a four year old temper tantrum where I tried to control everything involved, I decided (I, I, I) that I will now take cues from paul. My way is not working. I have to yield. I have to try and work with Paul and I have to let go and encourage him to grow in the area and also support that relationship between him and the kids. It's so hard for me to bite my tongue but if we want our kids to be independent, active members of society who vote for each level of government and know how to put on their own shoes, let alone sort recycling then I have to let go. Ughhh. Let go.
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