Here fishy, fishy, fishy

I don't like knowing where my food comes from. Correction, the once alive but now dead food. I love farms but am now quite certain I do not like rivers/ponds. We went fishing yesterday and caught two trout. Imagine fishing in a stocked aquarium. That's the type of fishing we did. It's good for small kids whose attention span in fishing is comparable to a claw vending machine. So we caught them, high school dimwits cleaned them and I stare at it on my cooking sheet. We made our peace, I stuffed it with herbs and butter, wrapped it in foil and threw it on the BBQ. 

I think we undercooked it. it took everything in me to control my gag reflex. Reminds me of the time I had Vietnamese soup. Good news, I have another whole trout in the freezer. 

Lets get physical

Is there anything more humiliating than a physical? Thank goodness my doctor is female but she's also much younger than me. She's in her last year of residency. Instead of explaining what happened, I will just tell you individual thoughts I had. 

Ugh, I hate saying the word "breasts". Am I giggling? Grow up!

Pap smear. Yay. I'm on my period she will make me resche..... Oh great, she can still do it. Crap. I didn't bring any extra feminine supplies. Where? What? Ughhhh.

Undress? Completely naked? Oh, you have a gown. Could have mentioned that before my face showed panic. 

Oh no, the gown. Which way did she say the flap was suppose to open. Good Lord, would it kill me to shave my legs! 

Oh crap, the flap goes in the back. I can't make eye contact. 

Put my hand above my head. Good gracious, my arm pit hair!! I don't even...don't ask me... What? A lump? Ugh, I have to schedule another person to watch my kids?

Relax my knees? I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. No, don't test for any STDs thank you. I'll take my chances on gonorrhea. 

Thank God. We're done. 

Cheap chairs

The other day my neighbour was selling her junk. I bought a stack of kids books and a white ikea chair. $2 for everything. She said she would bring the chair over since it was broken. What? Great, now I'm too embarrassed to say I don't want it. Um sure, bring that crap over, right, both pieces. Don't forget the leg. She's like, " your husband is handy. He can fix it". I look and the leg is ripped off, not just broken. So I grin and say no problem and take it. I bought wood glue, contemplated a screw but used it in a sentence instead. 

The chair was alright. I made sure I was the only one to sit on it. Hesitation led to timidity which lead to confident which led to false sense of security until last night while I was leaning back enjoying my Popsicle when CRACK, down she goes. It's nice that my kids barely blinked and kept licking their dessert. Paul asked the most helpful and tactfully timed question, "what are you doing?"  Worst $2 I've ever spent in my life. I wish it had happened while I was eating salad and wheat germ. Timing is everything.